Everyone Has AIDS This Year
AIDS is not just a disease. It's a lifestyle that millions of Americans are finding more and more appealing. Back in the '90s, nobody wanted AIDS, but now everyone wants to take a big ol' bite out of the AIDS pie, grinning ear to ear as AIDS juice drips down their chinny-chin-chins.
With profit margins and popularity at an all time high, many AIDS carriers are enjoying unprecedented success.
"The positive energy is just incredible right now," said Putnam County resident Darla Haynes, "when I first got the AIDS back in September of '99, I thought my life was over and that it would only get worse as I got older, that is, even more over than before. And that's pretty gosh-darned over if you ask me, but now I've got a new lease on life thanks to the recent popularity surge of my sexually-transmitted terminal illness."
Darla isn't alone. AIDS clubs are sprouting up all over the world and the official AIDS website boasts over 90 thousand registered users. AIDS is in full bloom, but that's leaving some commentators wondering if all this AIDS hysteria is good for your health.
Dr. Miguel Cintos of Dracula Valley says AIDS isn't cool at all "and neither is G-Unit, for that matter." Dr. Cintos believes that making a fatal STD a positive indicator of social status is going too far.
"I think it's going too far." the doctor said.
Some people wonder if AIDS is here to stay or if it's just a passing fad like Tickle Me Elmo, Swing Music, Flash Mobs, Crystal Pepsi, or Testicular Cancer.
Others, like 3rd year UCLA Sociology major Leo Jacobs, view this question as irrelevent.
"AIDS isn't about popularity," Jacobs said in a trendy uptown establishment "it's about respect. I had AIDS before the media even cared and I resent all these AIDS amateurs coming in here and contaminating a perfectly good disease."
Though the verdict is not yet in on the AIDS craze, Darla Haynes says she's going to ride this bad boy out for as long as she can.
The 32 year old single mother told the Associated Press "I used to think AIDS was the worst thing that ever happened to me, but now it's like I'm the Queen of the Prom. I don't want this to ever go away. If it does I'll probably kill myself."
With profit margins and popularity at an all time high, many AIDS carriers are enjoying unprecedented success.
"The positive energy is just incredible right now," said Putnam County resident Darla Haynes, "when I first got the AIDS back in September of '99, I thought my life was over and that it would only get worse as I got older, that is, even more over than before. And that's pretty gosh-darned over if you ask me, but now I've got a new lease on life thanks to the recent popularity surge of my sexually-transmitted terminal illness."
Darla isn't alone. AIDS clubs are sprouting up all over the world and the official AIDS website boasts over 90 thousand registered users. AIDS is in full bloom, but that's leaving some commentators wondering if all this AIDS hysteria is good for your health.
Dr. Miguel Cintos of Dracula Valley says AIDS isn't cool at all "and neither is G-Unit, for that matter." Dr. Cintos believes that making a fatal STD a positive indicator of social status is going too far.
"I think it's going too far." the doctor said.
Some people wonder if AIDS is here to stay or if it's just a passing fad like Tickle Me Elmo, Swing Music, Flash Mobs, Crystal Pepsi, or Testicular Cancer.
Others, like 3rd year UCLA Sociology major Leo Jacobs, view this question as irrelevent.
"AIDS isn't about popularity," Jacobs said in a trendy uptown establishment "it's about respect. I had AIDS before the media even cared and I resent all these AIDS amateurs coming in here and contaminating a perfectly good disease."
Though the verdict is not yet in on the AIDS craze, Darla Haynes says she's going to ride this bad boy out for as long as she can.
The 32 year old single mother told the Associated Press "I used to think AIDS was the worst thing that ever happened to me, but now it's like I'm the Queen of the Prom. I don't want this to ever go away. If it does I'll probably kill myself."
posted by Jeremy Groghan @ 10:12 PM
6 Comments:
At 1/18/2006 11:38 AM,
miafrate said…
This is kind of stupid.
At 1/18/2006 11:45 AM,
Jeremy Groghan said…
Whatever Mikey, you're just bitter cuz your old lady won't let you get no AIDS.
At 1/19/2006 3:45 PM,
Anonymous said…
don't worry jeremy, great art is never understood until the artist is gone from this world.
yrs-
Evan!
At 1/19/2006 8:06 PM,
Jeremy Groghan said…
Thanks Evan. You are a true friend.
That's why I'll be leaving you a whole bunch of money when I die.
At 1/20/2006 6:21 AM,
Anonymous said…
can i have money too?
-julie
At 1/20/2006 2:57 PM,
Anonymous said…
and don't you worry, Jeremy - I'll spend every penny of it on booze and Ol' Dirty Bastard memorabilia.
yrs-
Evan!
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